Intentionally ambiguous blog #2

I have done one of theses in the past, for a completely unrelated reason. I however learned from that experience that putting random thoughts into vague and misleading words and phrases can ironically clear up my own thoughts.

so without further adieu..... except for this line

Have you ever done something that you realized was incredibly stupid at the same time that you realized you were probably going to do it again...

That moment when both the devil and angel on your shoulder are in agreement is the worst. Logic steps up and says thats retarded, but he dosent even get a shoulder to stand on so who ever listens to that guy?

so anyways that happened, or rather, I did that... not sure if I was the actor or the actie...there is no red line under actie but im not sure if it is the word I wanted or not.

Back on track I may have made a huge mistake that is really not that big of a deal but actually telling anyone would make it a big deal if that makes any sense, and I am pretty sure it didn't.

On another indistinct point I have a non-metaphorical friend that may have an issue but I am at a loss to both the verification of anomalies and the explication of said indeterminate abnormalities.

If any of the above mess hits you with some words of equally enigmatic words of wisdom I would love to hear them otherwise ignore this post as none of it will ever be explained.

Creepypasta

Bored at work I began reading online stories, and I quickly found that the best are the stories intended to scare. While I'm not a believer in the ghosts and vengeful spirits per-say, I appreciate, and like any honest human being, have my share of unexplained events. So here's a true story I've recanted a thousand times but never written down..

My mom drives the bus for a small rural-ish elementary school. When I was in said school I would accompany her to the pre-sun every day. I normally tried to sleep in the car until her early morn routine was done and the bus route began. One day I was waking up absentmindedly staring at some recently planted trees swaying in the breeze. Slowly gaining consciousness I realized that only one tree was moving, rubbing my eyes a small man came into focus his right arm shaking the tiny sapling.

I locked and held eye contact with the man in dark colors and a darker ball cap until the bus horn honked and I glanced away. Looking back the crown of the tree was broken off and the man was gone. A few days later the incident shrugged off as a half remembered dream, I was in the back of the bus returning from our first and furthest pickup. A large black dog was chasing us, after a few seconds the dog was obviously gaining on the bus traveling at least 50 mph. Until the dog got about three car lengths away I didn't notice the impossible proportions. We began to slow for a turn and it got within ten feet of the bus (still in the field to our right) and was clearly no dog.

Until a shed was blocking it's path and the thing stood on it's hind legs to leap over did I recognize the man who broke the tree. The bus turned left and the man ran past on all fours.

Visibly shaken as I got into my fifth grade class I told a few friends, during lunch the story was traded around again and by recess (which was inside due to rain) the entire class had heard some version.

After I retold it with everyone listening at least four others volunteered stories of personal encounters. One confirmed seeing the "dog" chasing the bus and leaping the shed.

Over my middle and high school years I retold all of the stories I had witnessed and others had told me. It was a hit at every halloween party or camping trip but never with everyone listening.

Without fail every time I tell this story to someone who grew up in my hometown or at some point attended my elementary school they are extremely disturbed by it. Most pull me aside and ask for a description some offer another encounter story and all are terrified by this man.

Whether he's standing in an empty field scaring horses, stalking through an alleyway to stare through back windows, or getting shot and then fleeing a locked house the description is always the same. A small man 5 foot 7 or 8, Wearing dark jeans, and a dark or black shirt and black hat normally a ball cap turned backwards but at least twice a black cowboy hat (seen from afar), with dull yellow eyes, when you finally notice him as something out of the ordinary you are locked into eye contact until a third party breaks your concentration, in all the encounters no one can remember any facial features other than the eyes.

Game of Thrones

I recently completed A Dance of Dragons and wish to articulate my theory that a song of ice and fire is the greatest work of fiction in our generation

In terms of depth of character, and as a result character attachment; I'm positive that if the man who plays Tyrion Lanister were to be in my immediate presence I would hyperventilate and possibly worship him when I came to, and Arya is the only name I would ever name a daughter.

As for immersion; I just shivered in 113 degree Oklahoman heat while reading the final chapters of DoD ( what an unfortunate acronym).

Plot is almost unmentionable because it us so effortlessly perfect every word on every page is a surprise. I normally pride myself on guessing endings or plot points And as I am so overly saturated with all forms of media I am nearly always correct, with GOT (again sad acronyms) I cannot even form a rational guess it is almost completely original.

And of corse the television adaptation

Only If James Earl jones, Liam neesum, and Morgan Freeman, were genetically combined and then read the books outloud while everyone was on a low dose Iv of LSD so they thought god was telling them humanity's history

so here I set, winter has fallen I'm bundled up and ready for the long hall... Whenever the next book gets published

Opportunity

I just got back from the best trip of my life so far...

At times I could have killed some of my travel companions as I'm sure they came close to murdering me. I saw things I've read and dreamed about. I missed people and communication, I got lost, found, hidden, stalked, checked out, confused, and appalled. Now I'm back and I realize there's a lot more I got to do that wasn't on the itinerary.

I'm a planner, not grand schemes but minute details, before I sleep every night I outline my next day. I act out important conversations and silently cheat myself when I accurately predict the other persons statements. But all of these things I accomplished were unplanned, even hough I would've if I could have.

"I'll take first watch"
I got to say and mean this in the fantastical sense of I'll watch u and Ur stuff to make sure we don't get robed or killed"

Learning limits
I now know that I have limits on how long I can be without personal time, without sleep, with certain people, etc... (etc covers a lot ask me about it later)

Defining hatred
This one sounds bad, and I guess it is in almost all ways but this trip has fully established the kind of people I do and do not like and im pretty sure thats a good thing everyone should no what type of person I don't like.

Finally

Long distance relationships
They can work for short amounts of time, especially if you know the exact amount of time you will be apart

So theres my other obligatory travel post, I will find some other thing to post on at some point...

Messages

These are messages to those in my past present and future.

Things I wish I could have, wish I would, wish I will say.

I hate you, not jokingly not out of frustration but actual to the marrow, teeth gnashingly painful hatred.

I love you, I cannot express my need for you in my ability to function, because I don't understand it. You do not complete me, you are me I find my identity through you.

You ruined me, there was a time when I needed your love your direction and you did nothing you failed me.

We could have been something genius me and you were supposed to be something special and it's my fault we aren't

You are nothing more than an acquaintance, I'm not sure why you think we are so close, get far far away from me.

I need you in a way I didn't know was possible, you are my truth my challenge and my safety net you are the person that makes me be me I want/need you forever


Life is complicated messy and stupid, I'm reminded of the words to a hymn "this world is not my own I'm just a passing through" this isn't where I belong therefore is this the real me?

I believe that who you chose to love, who you chose to spend time with, says more about who you are than who you chose to portray yourself as.

Chances are if your reading this I may have chosen you. You may be part of my personality definition, but chances are about equal that you are someone I rejected...

Ps. if you think one of the messages are for you, I'm not telling

Pps. I'm writing The 900 Man because no one commented on my last post it'll be up at the end of the week

So...

I can't sleep, which makes no sense because as of now I've been up more than 24 hrs with only a few quick moments of dosing off on a train and an energy drink at 6 this morning.

I'm laying here reading my old blog posts and cracked articles missing the ability to turn on my tv or Netflix, and I realize I haven't written anything in weeks. I've been surrounded by some of the most indspiring places on the planet and I've produced nothing.

So I will tell you what I'm going to write and hopefully that will make me actually do it. But as I just yawned which means I may have broken my insomnia! I'll just list some titles comment saying which u wanna hear first...

The 900 man
Agate
Inspiring lies
How I got here

Goodnight

Relationships

So there are a few to many fake and real named relationships (named being something other than friend) so I'm writing them all down cause I'm getting confused. If your one of these and you named yourself I hate you if you didn't then I hate whoever did...

I apparently have a... (some of these are real)

Girlfriend
Wife
Fiancé
Boyfriend
Extra sister
Imaginary friends
Real siblings
Extra parents
Another extra sister
Okay I think there are four fake sisters total
And an extra brother

List

Following is a list of things that are rarely if ever advisable but are especially hazardous while in close quarters with a small group in a foreign country. Bear in mind that all of these happened and that many were deemed to scandalous to post.

So in no particular order 10 things never to do based on our example

1. accidentally and irreversibly rewrite the lyrics to a popular worship song.

2. Learn the wrong lyrics to only "lovely ladies" after seeing Les Miserables with small children

3. Swim in a mountain lake when it is NEAR 50 degrees outside

4. Confront your sponsors, asking if they are pregnant

5. Play angry birds during philharmonic concert attended by more than 100 thousand people

6. Write the word ugly on an american flag and give it as a negative reward for the worst person each day

7. Photograph random PDA while being extremely obvious

8. Play with children's toys inside an ancient castle

9. Heil hitler in the Jewish quarter

10. Touch art that was poorly guarded/covered

I think I saw an Invisible man

My summer roomate just described as the deep country of Wales as the place a place where magic still lingers. It's not confined to wales--though it may contain a greater quantity--all of Europe bleeds with history. Every thing In sight teases with whispers of its history.


In the underground near Baker street shadows danced at the edge of sight and darkness itself was blacker. At night the Thames grew still and stars descended below the horizon.


Maybe I've gone crazy, but I prefer to believe that I've finally started paying attention. 


The magic world wouldn't be magic if it was easy to see, and maybe its only noticeable because I'm out of my comfort zone and if that's the case then I need to never be comfortable again. I understand why so many artist and writers went crazy became addicted to drugs or alcohol; inspiritlation comes from confusion all of literature all of everything comes from trying to understand.

Today, I saw magic--three days ago it takes a while for me to post stuff--the U-bahn doors opened, a crowd entered, took their seats or handholds, the train left the station. It took me a few seconds to notice one of the handholds moving the opposite of the rocking train. Focussing on this hipster of a plastic strap used for stability--do they have names?--I noticed it was pulled taut and bent as if held. for three stops this strap continued to defy physics and rock along opposite of mere gravity, then the doors opened the strap fell limp, people left the train, and the train left the station. 

Three thoughts passed through my head; Where was HG Wells's book set? Should I follow this guy? How do you follow an invisible man?

I am now on the lookout for magic, but unfortunately I think thats when you see the least.

Reasons Im a vampire, or soon will be

This is a scientific look at the reality that vampires are redheads and visa-versa.

Lets look at the facts,

1. Redheads Have Higher Pain Threshold  
2. Men and women with naturally red hair can withstand 25 percent more electric shock than non-redheads
3. A 2002 study found that redhead are harder to sedate than any other people requiring twenty percent more anesthesia     
4. Redheads don't turn grey. Red hair turned sandy, then white. They are also found to loose their color later in life than people carrying other hair colors
5. Short temper and sexual fieriness are attributed to them.
6. The sun is their natural enemy

And of course lets not ignore or ancient greeks who believed when a redhead died they came back as vampires. Of course this means that whenever if ever Chuck Norris dies then the rest of the world is doomed. Vampire Chuck Norris will kill us all...

but if we dont turn into vampires these things above should still be pretty terrifying

Have I become cool while I wasn't looking?

I know the title seem strange to you but shut up whatever you're thinking is really rude!

Anyways I think maybe the three+ months of no blogging may be a testament to my newfound coolness, but i could be wrong about its very existence.

I think the problem with investigating my possible newfound coolness is the untrustworthy nature of all of my friends. Frienemies of course deny any proof of my self assured amazingness, others are unsure that there building up of my ego will be detrimental to their own health and hierarchy so the remain silent. those few with an extremely vested intrest (I share a brain with a people, and theres the girlfriend) will never deny my popular authority because it woud reflect badly on their own stature in this world.

So I can only conclude that if I am imagining this I am very good at imagining things. Being very good at imagining these things of course offers further proof to my newfound popularity... I think... the truth is I have strived so long to stay out of the "in" crowd that I do not really understand what it means to be 'in"

Elementary, Highschool (middle dosent matter) I was just there known by most not by all, I wasn't in a group had no clique I was just there. Now however I think that I am in a crowd that may be popular.

The thing is I haven't changed Im just idk here going through life compleatly blind groaping in the darkness wondering how i look to everyone else.

so thats my random musings for the day Happy Birthday to me!